INSIDE MY NEW LOFT (!!!)
My Hood, Home Numerology & A Space Clearing Ceremony
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never in my life had a genuine moment of “this turned out better than I ever could have imagined”…until now.
I moved into my new loft on the eve of the New Moon in Taurus and my lease landed in my inbox the other day at 11:11am. I feel like a broken record about this, but these synchronicities never cease to amaze me and reaffirm that I’m on the right path.
But let me tell you, this dream didn’t just *poof* manifest into my life. At my friend Laura Rubin’s book launch party at Manolo Blahnik (so chic), a friend raved about how my life looked perfect post divorce. I nearly dropped my seltzer.
Yes, there have been bursts of what my coach calls “pent up potential,” but in the spirit of always being brutally honest with all of you, holy fucking hell. The past three months have been a doozy. A very intense season of both painful contraction and bouts of blissful expansion.
Last month, I unearthed some of the most intense patterns of codependency. I nearly broke down in a rental office in Greenpoint while they rattled off the cost of one-bedrooms in a neighborhood that takes me three trains to get just about anywhere. Cue my mind spiraling in limiting beliefs that were imprinted from my past, but were not my reality.
Through a 2.5 week cold in April (I swear sickness is a portal for energetic clearing) I unwound deep patterns of scarcity that were never mine to hold. A lot of this process looked like simply slowing down, feeling my feelings and finding greater awareness of these untruths. As someone who typically leans more cerebral and loves to work through things with a therapist or healer, this was a good reminder that not everything is meant to be intellectualized. I even started working with a new therapist and had the awareness that I was re-traumatizing myself and stopped. That’s growth.
So no, this journey has been far from perfect. I try my best to show up in the messy middle online, but when I’m grieving to the point where I feel like a part of my soul is dying, I don’t feel particularly called to pick up my phone and record myself. Sorry, not sorry. Perhaps this is why I’ve been able to hold two truths at once with such strength and resiliency though? Because I’ve been fully present, not performative, through the pain.
From this excavation, I’ve been able to create real space to connect to what I really want and leverage my pain into power, giving way to greater grit and momentum. I love the visualization of moving through peaks and valleys. The ups and downs create more speed than a steady, rigid climb or forcing yourself to stay at baseline, an illusion of safety.
Safety has been a really important theme in my life lately. It’s one of the most underrated foundations we can build within ourselves and with others. We can’t fully actualize our crown chakra (divine connection) if we don’t feel fully safe within our root chakra (home, nourishment, finances etc.). Over the past few months, I’ve reclaimed a good amount of safety within, building a new strong foundation by me for me. I feel like this was key in me moving into my this new home and next chapter.
Your internal world is a mirror of your external reality.
I seriously pinch myself every morning waking up here. It’s truly the loft of my tween dreams…
