THE MEDICINE OF MESSY MOMENTS
How to Ride The Saturn Return Wave for Good
In March 2020, at the onset of my Saturn Return, I would consistently hear the word “listen” on my daily walk in the woods outside of my family’s home in the mountains of Boulder, Colorado.
The mystical download dropped in through the crown of my head with gentle power. It was more of a heart-centered feeling than a head-pressured thought — an intuitive distinction I’ve harnessed over the years. The ping felt light and limitless, kind of like love.
This download was no doubt the universe encouraging me (cough, warning me, cough) to connect deeply with my intuition. My inner voice was guiding me in one direction, while I stubbornly sauntered in the other. Mars in Taurus, anyone?
I recently closed my Saturn Return in Aquarius chapter on March 7th and honestly, I’m still in the what-the-fuck-just-happened, post-shadow period.
I have a new partner, home, business, routine and what feels like a whole new vibrational frequency. It was a full blown intuition initiation — with a side of hazing, more self-inflicted than anything.
It was dark and it was really messy, but there were of course so many light-filled gifts sprinkled throughout this soul-shaping season as well.
The following stories and aha’s are not just for those entering their Saturn Return or leaving it, but for all of us embracing the messiness of it all — those washing machine moments in life where you enter a bit stained, perhaps a little wrinkled, go for a tumble and re-emerge in a newfound (and at times, slightly-altered) fresh state of being.
COSMIC CONTEXT: WHAT IS SATURN RETURN?
Saturn Return is a ~2.5 year cosmic timeline when you gain clarity on what’s working and what’s not. It’s known to be one of the most transformational (and at times, tumultuous) times in your life. You typically experience two or three Saturn Returns throughout your lifetime: ages 27-31, 54-58 and 84-90.
Similar to Mercury in Retrograde, Saturn Return has gotten a bad reputation over the years. Saturn, known as the “Lord of Karma,” is connected to the energy of structure, responsibility, time and father energy.
"Saturn is all about building self-esteem and our self-worth by doing the hard thing and by making ourselves accountable. (Your Saturn Return) is also about mastering fear. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway, " says Psychological Astrologer, Dani Beinstein — bts interviews dropping this week.
Saturn Return is about moving through, not just beyond.
LESSONS I LEARNED & GIFTS OF SATURN RETURN
LESSON #1: LEARN TO TRUST.
Strip away the need for spiritual moreness — materialism, bypassing and escapsim.
Healing from a breakup in February 2020, I put my things in storage to embark on a year of soul searching, globetrotting and work-from-anywhere nomading. The pandemic quickly derailed my plans and I was re-routed back to Colorado where I stayed in my Dad’s work apartment (hi Saturn father energy) through the thick of start of COVID.
Stripped of all of my woo ritual tools (because it all was in storage), I was forced to simplify and self-soothe. I surrendered at times but mostly, I resisted. I persistently packed my schedule with an overload of rituals and work to-dos to keep my mind and soul at bay.
Whenever I tried to purchase new tools or seek external validation from healers, readings etc, I was swiftly redirected back to myself. One time I ordered a new tarot deck and the shipping container got lost at sea. I got the deck 1.5 years later…
“Our addiction to moreness has been hyper-activated because of these (social media) algorithms and our reptilian brain being manipulated…(Saturn Return and the present energy) is bringing it back. True sensuality is presence…that's actual luxury,” says Beinstein.
When I moved back to New York City in November 2020, I couldn’t wait to unpack all of my beloved tools. Yet again, I was redirected back to myself. Every crystal, sage bundle and deck I had previously owned and placed in storage was nowhere to be found. A mystical mystery that I never solved.
Intuitively, the universe was encouraging a spiritual sobering of sorts. The sobriety was meant to reconnect me back to my inner wisdom — the tools within.
We are all deeply intuitive and eve psychic cosmic beings. It’s simply a choice (and takes practice) if we want to activate those gifts within.
Similarly, it’s a choice to ride the Saturn Return wave for good.
Are you connected to and trusting your intuition or are you bypassing, fueling materialism (moreness) and escapism (insatiable healing), clenching to an overabundance of spiritual stimuli to reaffirm your path.
When you ignore your intuition, gentle-power pings turn into screams and transcendent tornados manifest, willfully forcing you to wake up.
THE GIFT OF TRUST
The ability to clearly connect (and even have conversations with) your intuition.
LESSON #2: LEARN HOW TO LET GO
Saturn Return is considered to be a portal into adulthood. You learn how to let go of things you once were deeply connected to in your childhood and young adult years.
“It’s literally a proof of concept and (Saturn Return) can be very jolting, especially depending on how off track you are or not. Saturn is here to give you the most out of this incarnation if you allow it to,” says Natalie Niksa, Chef and Founder of Gentle Guidance.
This Buddhist parable that landed in my inbox earlier this week comes to mind…
A man builds a raft to cross a raging river.
He safely reaches the other side.
He picks up the raft and begins to walk through the forest, but it continues to snag and get caught in the trees.
The weight of the raft gets heavier and it slows the man’s progress.
He refuses to let go.
This is my raft! he says. I built it! It saved my life!
To survive today, he must let go of the raft that saved his life yesterday
(words from Ozan Varol)
We all have rafts — past relationships, careers, projects that we have invested time and energy into. It’s challenging, scary and sometimes super painful to let those rafts go.
When you do finally release your grip (or are forced to) and time heals, you realize that experience manifests into a memory which evolves into a newfound perspective. Wisdom (a memory with less emotional charge), helps you connect deeper to your intuition.
The more we cling to the past, things that no longer serve us and an overall rigid nature, the more we restrict new energy and gifts to flow to us.
Release so that energy can recycle into new gifts and surprises — perhaps even better than we could have ever imagined.
THE GIFT OF LETTING GO
Plot-twists that guide us to our highest self.
LESSON #3: LEARN TO EMBRACE DELAYED GRATIFICATION
We live in a world of insatiable instant gratification — same-day deliveries, tech-rich dopamine hits, and virtual dating pools from our couch. And yet, society is more anxiety-induced, disconnected and spiritually-escaped than ever before.
When we sprint through life, we are operating from a hollow state of scarcity. We have forgotten what it’s like to feel like we’re enough and we have enough.
Saturn, the father of time, teaches us to slow down — marvel as the pot boils.
When you slow down your true nature is called forth. The more you stay connected to that authentic essence, the more magnetic you become for your manifestations.
Trust that divine timing is flawless (even if it feels delayed), while also understanding that it takes aligned action to get to where you want to go. It’s a dance between fate and free will.
“Until the unconscious becomes conscious, it shows up as fate. So the more aware we are of our subconscious, the more we can harness our energy and become less at the mercy of it,” says Beinstein, paraphrasing Carl Jung.
THE GIFT OF DELAYED GRATIFICATION
Greater presence. You see and feel the wonder and oneness with all that is.
Your higher self merges with the highest good for all.
Your self becomes service.
You stop escaping and start living.
You stop healing and start being more human.
That’s the biggest lesson of all. That’s the gift.
It’s you — living, breathing, breaking, learning, loving.
Experiencing the beautiful mess of it all.
Be here now,
K
What does this spark for you?⚡️ Let’s connect & keep the conversation going in the comments.
Beautifully written & wise. Thank you for sharing. :)
Amazing writing! Thank you ♥️