10 LESSONS LEARNED FROM 10 YEARS IN NEW YORK CITY
From Fashion Editor, Clubber, Blogger, Cancer Fighter, Survivor...
If you’re a New Yorker, you know that your 10-year anniversary is kind of a big deal. It’s the unofficial (but somewhat very official) milestone when you become a real New Yorker. By this point, you most likely have lived in a cracker-jack-box-sized studio, have launched at least one side hustle, and have witnessed both scarring and soul-igniting scenes on the subway— perhaps even in the same day.
New York City has taught me how to fearlessly reinvent, rather than put myself in a box. It’s an expansive melting pot that has helped mold my unique, multidimensional nature, both personally and professionally.
I have lived so many lives in the concrete jungle: a fashion magazine super intern turned fashion magazine editor, a sustainable fashion consultant, a clubber, a blogger, a cancer fighter, a cancer survivor, a heart-breaker, a heart-broken, a sober spiritualist, a mindful multihyphenate…
So many versions of self, so many lessons learned. Here are 10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned After 10 Years Living in New York City.
Just ask. Despite the stern stigma that New Yorkers have, most strangers I’ve encountered are kind and willing (enough) to step outside of their hasty agenda to help. I first arrived in NYC as a ripe 17-year-old. I learned to ask strangers often for directions. This helped me build the confidence to ask for a lot of other things in life—job referrals, introductions to crushes, reduced rent etc. The more you ask for what you want, the more likely the universe will listen and begin sending you those people, places and opportunities. The worst that can happen is you get declined—and even then, you learn to build thick skin.
It’s not about your pace, but your presence and power. Sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. The more you’re connected to your unique power, the core essence that’s nestled inside your being that manifests your purest, fullest, most authentic expression, the more magnetic you will be. The more joy you will experience. Trust and surrender is one of the biggest challenges when everyone is moving past you—on socially-constructed timelines. When you give the project, person, experience full presence, that’s where true fulfillment manifests—no matter what you’re doing.
Stay curious. Never stop learning. You may become a certified teacher or “expert,” but take the seat of a forever student.
Look up. Get your head and out of your screens. Take off your headphones and admire the world around you. There is so much inspiration, beyond commercialized stimulation, just waiting to be discovered on every corner. I call these times “wonder walks,” in which you create space to let thoughts percolate, downloads to drop in, and notice the magic within the mundane.
Soul talk over small talk. Ask questions that you’re truly interested in. I’ve learned to go beyond surface level and dive straight into one’s soul. When you’re genuinely curious, engaged, and are asking unique questions, conversations resonate more. They become more memorable. The best relationships, personal or professional, are born when you connect with someone’s heart-centered humanness, not their robotic nature that looks and sounds like everyone else.
Experiment. Explore, far and wide, what lights your soul on fire. Try not to get caught up in your tween-self vision or societal, familial “shoulds.” Cast a wide net. Date, try different jobs, live in different cities, explore the world and yourself—especially in your twenties. If one path doesn’t work out, then something better is on its way. The more data points you have, the more you’ll be able to hone what you want as you go and grow.
Receive. I spent a lot of years reaching, overextending and overgiving. So much that I often looked beyond the gift that was sitting right in front of me. We often reach so far and look beyond what is already within our close orbit. Take notice of who and what is already around you, crossing paths with you often, piquing your curiosity and interest. A lesson that lies a layer deeper within receiving, is to honor everyone—the executive in the corner office and the janitor are all to be treated with the same love and respect.
Date to discover yourself, not your soul mate. When it comes to love, I never played by “the rules.” Text someone when you want to, date when you want to, and stop flaunting any facade other than yourself. The more you can show up as your fullest authentic self from the get-go, the more you will attract a person that is fully aligned with you. When you approach dating as a chance to discover yourself, not your soul mate, you take the pressure off and have a lot more fun.
Normalize being “naked.” When 75% of New York City apartments put you on display, facing the street or another building, you get comfortable in your own skin. There is no one in this entire universe that has your unique experiences, skillset, perspective and power. The more you harness your you-ness, the more you will succeed.
We are all connected. There’s something intimate about rubbing elbows with strangers in New York City. There is a very strong, unseen sense of community. Tiny little strings of light interconnecting everyone and everything around us.
That’s the case with our past versions of self as well—divinely interconnected even though some seem like a past life lived. It’s only when you find compassion for, honor and integrate those lives lived, even the painful ones or ones you cringe at, you can feel and be whole. At this stage, I have never felt more fully wholly me.
Thank you NYC for helping me become more me.
with love from where dreams are made of,
K
Dropping outtakes and lessons only New Yorkers would know in the comments. Scroll for a laugh.
Know when to break the rules — just like when to walk out of those subway alarm doors.
The dishes in the sink will always be the demise of every roommate. Just accept that this is a temporary stage and clean up after yourself.